The Lawn Bowler’s Prayer

Our Skip, who art on the bowling green,
Hallowed be thy name.

Thy jack be straight,
Thy bowls have weight,
And please keep them on our rink.

Give us this day
Our perfect line,
And forgive us our wrong biases,
As we forgive those who shout
“Good bowl!”
When it clearly wasn't.

Lead us not into the ditch,
And deliver us from short bowls.

Protect us from wicks,
Unless they're ours.

Grant us a green that runs true,
An opponent who doesn't know what to do,
And a measure that somehow
Always comes out in our favour.

When the Skip shouts “More weight!”
Give us strength.

When the Skip shouts “Less weight!”
Give us wisdom.

And when the Skip shouts
“WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT?”
Give us a convincing excuse.

May our touchers be many,
Our wrong biases few,
Our tea be hot,
And our biscuits plentiful.

And when our bowling days are finally done,
May we enter that great clubhouse in the sky,
Where every green is flat,
It's always our mat

And we're always on the jack!

Amen...