Health Issues

Many GROW members are dealing with serious health issues and often our writing reflects our struggles with daily living and our fears for the future.

Water / Tears

Into the eyes of
emotion
Crying in pain as the drops are instilled
18 years this
has been going on
Rehabilitation, operations
Remission
occurs
Tears, where are they?
Hidden as the eyes compliment the
outside world
Tired, yes tired
Sleep intervention
Until
another day
And the eyes of emotion again appears
and crying
becomes reality.

Blind Sight

I wrote this as a freeflow of how I was feeling, but also feel it is a learning curve for people with sight. So many people think they can just put on a blind fold and feel how a blind or partially sighted person feels and sees. As you can see from the point of view of a partially sighted person of who I am, there is a lot more to it.

I don't know and have never thought to write it this way.
But people look at your eyes
They see what they see
But from behind those eyes
The human sees what they see
People who have good eyes
Cannot even with placing blindfolds on
See the reality
Machines can see into the eyes
They can detect the reality
But looking from behind those eyes
Is not just the eye mechanism
It is the soul, the brain doing its work
Thoughts, fears and worries
Sensations how the eyes feel
The brain, I can tell you
Tries hard to pretend that there is nothing wrong
But sometimes the reality of sight loss
Hits the soul, the brain tends to want to sleep
But can you imagine, as I am one
If you pretend in your brain that you can see
You make the attempt of using little sight
While others think there is nothing wrong
As on the outside the eyes look ok
And the patient still carries on as though all is ok
But the soul - its another matter
Especially when the problem catches up
One minute, you think with your rehabilitation you can see
But then all of a sudden you can't..
But you fight the sensation and work with the senses
Life catches up...you are at a watershed
Blind sight verses Light intervention
Brain tricking the eyes
Neurological or eyes
Rest...let the eyes find their place
and move forward, use as God intended

Trial Convention

I am but an ordinary woman
Large some may say but I know deep inside of me
Is, just me
Inside the case of me
The body that holds my faculty
Is all the things all humans are made of
Except, one thing
that I know is driving a wedge
between me and my soul
This thing, this alien, this thing
A Pituitary tumour
They gave it their best shot
a trans-sphenoidal op
The surgeon he said me
We got out as much as the brain would allow
But the beauty of it - is It is benign, but we all know
It can still grow, and it can do
what dreams are made of
Fear amongst the wedge of the unwoken world
The walk on the other side
The depth of life, away, away
To the world of make believe
The trial of life
The ordinary woman becomes the trial
of Sainthood...waiting, waiting
Trouble is...all this was left behind
As the trial that lived was nothing more
Than the dream of love and effection
She was just an ordinary woman
Large some may say
But now all you readers know why?
She is - just an ordinary woman...

Footnote:
Pituitary Foundation UK (member 15363) Comments: Surgery on pituitary tumours is almost always through the nose, though rarely depending on the tumour - a craniotomy (the skull - head)

For further information:-
The Pituitary Foundation
PO Box 1944
Bristol, BS99 2UB
helpline@pituitary.org.uk
www.pituitary.org.uk

Let Me Share My Pain

I’ve got toothache in my bum
I tell you guys, it’s just not fun
The pain is a’throbbing
And I am a’sobbing.
I used to skip lightly through the field
Now I must be careful, lest over I keel.
As you have all suffered, I know you’d understand
That I want to wave a magic wand.
Our collective hurt is enormous
Our suffering is tortuous
If only, just for a day,
All the pain would go away.
If we were happy and healthy
Would our writing make us wealthy;
Or, if we wallow in misery,
Will we forever paupers be.
So, have I secured your pity
With this little ditty?
With the fairies I am away
That’s why I haven’t written anything today.

Robert Brandon

Recovering

Mind still sleepless
in the lee of two tall stones;
wind enough to sweep the stars away;
moon faint in the hint of dawn.
No ease;
no murmured comfort from the past;
no magic circle.
Centuries gone
other men had set them here
as solids in an uncertain world,
had laboured these reluctant stones
to pattern the routine of seasons
and foretell of warmth after chill.
Arm-stretched, stand,
fingertip their bulk,
as others had surely done;
feel the mind rise
with their lifting sun.
Then leave,
birdsong lightening the step,
sunglow on the world
and a better season ahead.

Ken Baldwin

Pituitary Adenoma Thoughts

If my body let me bend
My place would be tidy now
It sometimes makes me cry
But nobody sees the tears
I had a good time today
I was bought a cup of tea
I was given a debut CD
To review, and to enjoy
I know my friends are about
But my brain is feeling hurt
It knows a tumour is growing
Yet, nobody seems to know
It's felt this from being a child
The migraine so bad
Even mother had to cut my hair
Midnight sometimes to help me sleep
Maybe the time is ripe
For things are getting deep
The last MRI gave a suggestion
That yes, slowly, the pituitary tumour is growing
Suprasella - extension!
This must be, where the pituitary non-functioning adenoma, is housed
The Sella Turcica, just as I was told
Way back, when diagnosed in Brighton
2001 I believe it was - not 2005 as I've been told
A pituitary adenoma - tumour

I knew I was right
and now I'm growing old.

The Alien

On the MRI photo copy, it looks like a pea
I couldn't see it on the PC
I decided to ask, where this tumour actually was I was told, I was shown, I was amazed - Reality.
Now this alien is slowly growing
Leaning slowly to the left
My sight has altered
And I get these massive headaches
Sometimes, they hit me like a sledge hammer.
I've had this since 2001
Writing makes it bearable
But I want this alien removed, now
I want to carry on writing
Live my life, get more quality of life back
Russell Watson did it.
Yep, it's a non-functioning pituitary adenoma (tumour)
It sits there - under my brain
I have been referred to Hurstwood Park Neurological Centre
Specialists are there -
I hope the NHS supports the operation
Not say no because of money
I think I, like many deserve important surgery.
I'm not getting any younger -
In the eyes of a brain tumour centre in the States -
I should have it removed now,
and that is without seeing the most current MRI.
I found this out through email.
Well, alien... if I have the opportunity to get rid of you
It will, so I've been told
Be removed by the nose
like Russell Watson had his benign tumour removed -
he went onto have a 2nd one I
'm glad he's recovered
Making more music
I am creative too
But, I wonder - will I get the same chance?
I love music - but I'm a poet more....
So away with you - Alien

(c) 21.11.08 Josie Lawson (UK)

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