Triples League Revamp

To attract younger people to the wonderful sport of lawn green bowls, the Triples League will get a "Twenty20" cricket style revamp next season.

The Twenty20 format has been successful in attracting a younger audience to the floodlight evening games and it has increased the bar takings.There will be a number of changes:

1) 3 points for a win and 1 point for a draw to encourage attacking play

2) All teams will be required to have a name such as Colin's Crusaders or Roy's Roustabouts

3) Teams will have brightly coloured tops for example Arthur's team would look great in a lurid shade of orange

4) Each team member will have to provide 3 woods in the team colour so maybe a bright fluorescent green for Bob's team. To provide for gender diversity, our lady members may use pink woods and our LGBT members may use rainbow woods.

5) Each set will last for 45 minutes.

a) the start will be announced by "Knees Up Mother Brown" mixed by Daft Punk with Pharell Williams on lead vocals

b) the end will be signalled by a grime version of "Do the Hokey Cokey" by Stormzy

Stormzy commented in the press release "I cannot believe it, first on the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury and now Malmesbury Bowls Clubs, what is there left for me to achieve ?".

6) Anyone bowling with the wrong bias will have to buy a round of drinks for their team and the opposition team.

7) Everyone will have to buy a head torch as the club cannot afford floodlights for when it gets too dark.

Captain Fantastic was unavailable for comment and the website editor, the Brown Dirt Cowboy, was nowhere to be found.